Thoughts

Should You Date A Friend’s Ex?

“Never date a friend’s ex”. One of the golden rules of dating. Along with “Never date a co-worker”. And “Never date a flatmate”.

Which makes sense. I mean, those are potentially very awkward situations, and there are plenty of other fish and all that. But realistically- same social circles, feelings happen, things happen. A lot of relationships come about due to proximity (and let’s face it, alcohol). So you’re more likely to develop a crush on a co-worker or a friend’s ex than on a 2 hour Tinder date.

The question is, how do you deal with it?

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Thoughts

Who Has The Upper Hand In The Dating Market?

Which gender has the upper hand in the dating market? Well, each seem to think the other. Men bemoan women’s many options. Women bemoan men’s many options. So which is it?

Disclaimer: This post is focused around heterosexual relationships, but feel free to write me an awesome guest post on the dynamic of gay/ lesbian dating. 

It’s easy to see why men feel disheartened. I’ve been using various apps for a while now, and I’m in the unique position of having used them to meet men and women. I started by dating men, then I used Bumble BFF to make new female friends, then I got fed up with men and decided to switch Tinder to women only for a while (long story). Anyhow, the first thing I noticed was how much more difficult it is to get matches on the female side. When I’m swiping for men, I match most times. But with women, I hardly ever do. Once, I did a social experiment on Bumble where I tried swiping right to all and seeing what came up. For men, I had more matches than I knew what to do with within the first 30 seconds. For women, I didn’t get any matches. So it seems to be that women are much more picky with their swipes.

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Thoughts

Relationship, Shag, No

I have a friend, who for the sake of this post, we’ll call him Jim. Most of my friends met The One at 18 and are now in a long-term relationship, cohabiting, or married, so myself and Jim are one of the few single people left, and we often talk about dating.

He says that when he goes on a first date, within the first 10 minutes, he has allotted the girl into one of three categories: Relationship, Shag, or No.

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Thoughts

My Experiences With “Hyping”

To join ghosting, benching, and breadcrumbing, this week, a new dating term was added into our vocabulary- “hyping”. Essentially The One Before The One, the hyper acts as the warm-up act, before the hypee to then move on to the main performer.

Maybe you made out with a guy a couple of times but it never progressed to actual dating. He’d just come out of a serious relationship, he wasn’t really looking for anything, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know he’s got a girlfriend. Or maybe you were seeing someone, you wanted to DTR, but she didn’t. She wasn’t looking for anything serious, she wasn’t ready, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know she’s got a boyfriend. Or maybe you were in a relationship with someone, possibly for a weeks, a few months, or even a few years. But he didn’t believe in marriage, he wasn’t ready to settle down, either way it just wasn’t a “forever” thing, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know he’s engaged.

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Thoughts

No. Cut Him Off.

So you match with this guy on Tinder. His chat is pretty decent, so you meet up for a drink. Instant connection. You go home with butterflies in your stomach. You fall into a pattern of seeing each other once of twice a week. It’s all going well. It’s like you’re going out, but neither of you has brought up “what you are” yet. After 2 months, you raise the question. He says he’s not really sure yet, and needs more time to decide. So you give him time. After 3 months, you raise the question again. He says he’s still not sure. You start to feel a little irked. I mean, it’s been 3 months. You’re sure. So why isn’t he? You wonder whether you should just sit out. Maybe 3 months is too soon. Maybe after 4, he’ll realize how great you are and make it official. Or maybe you should just enjoy it for what it is. You enjoy his company, it’s better than nothing, so maybe you should just carry on and try and ignore the niggling sense of dissatisfaction at the back of your mind?

No. Cut him off.  

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Thoughts

Tyrese Gibson, And Judgement

So this video on Bet by actor Tyrese Gibson has been making the rounds recently.

For those of you who don’t have audio or can’t be bothered to watch the video, basically he offers some rather sketchy dating “advice” to women:

“I’m gonna tell you all right now, and this might be harsh — sluts, skeezers, hoes, tramps and overly aggressive promiscuous women, they are never without a man because they don’t have no standards. They ready to have sex with any and everything that want to have sex with them. But when you are single, and you actually love yourself, you know your value and your self worth, you hold out until God sends you what’s yours.”

He continued, “So sometimes they be talking mess to women that are single but I have a respect for them because if you’re single and you might say, ‘I’ve been single for a couple years,’ whatever the case may be, you actually holding out because you have your value. You have women that are active out in these streets, they going to lunches and dinners every night. Private planes, mega yachts, it’s cracking. They’re never without. However, it comes with a cost, you gonna put a lot of miles on yourself down there, come on.”

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