Thoughts

My Experiences With “Hyping”

To join ghosting, benching, and breadcrumbing, this week, a new dating term was added into our vocabulary- “hyping”. Essentially The One Before The One, the hyper acts as the warm-up act, before the hypee to then move on to the main performer.

Maybe you made out with a guy a couple of times but it never progressed to actual dating. He’d just come out of a serious relationship, he wasn’t really looking for anything, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know he’s got a girlfriend. Or maybe you were seeing someone, you wanted to DTR, but she didn’t. She wasn’t looking for anything serious, she wasn’t ready, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know she’s got a boyfriend. Or maybe you were in a relationship with someone, possibly for a weeks, a few months, or even a few years. But he didn’t believe in marriage, he wasn’t ready to settle down, either way it just wasn’t a “forever” thing, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know he’s engaged.

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Thoughts

No. Cut Him Off.

So you match with this guy on Tinder. His chat is pretty decent, so you meet up for a drink. Instant connection. You go home with butterflies in your stomach. You fall into a pattern of seeing each other once of twice a week. It’s all going well. It’s like you’re going out, but neither of you has brought up “what you are” yet. After 2 months, you raise the question. He says he’s not really sure yet, and needs more time to decide. So you give him time. After 3 months, you raise the question again. He says he’s still not sure. You start to feel a little irked. I mean, it’s been 3 months. You’re sure. So why isn’t he? You wonder whether you should just sit out. Maybe 3 months is too soon. Maybe after 4, he’ll realize how great you are and make it official. Or maybe you should just enjoy it for what it is. You enjoy his company, it’s better than nothing, so maybe you should just carry on and try and ignore the niggling sense of dissatisfaction at the back of your mind?

No. Cut him off.  

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Thoughts

Tyrese Gibson, And Judgement

So this video on Bet by actor Tyrese Gibson has been making the rounds recently.

For those of you who don’t have audio or can’t be bothered to watch the video, basically he offers some rather sketchy dating “advice” to women:

“I’m gonna tell you all right now, and this might be harsh — sluts, skeezers, hoes, tramps and overly aggressive promiscuous women, they are never without a man because they don’t have no standards. They ready to have sex with any and everything that want to have sex with them. But when you are single, and you actually love yourself, you know your value and your self worth, you hold out until God sends you what’s yours.”

He continued, “So sometimes they be talking mess to women that are single but I have a respect for them because if you’re single and you might say, ‘I’ve been single for a couple years,’ whatever the case may be, you actually holding out because you have your value. You have women that are active out in these streets, they going to lunches and dinners every night. Private planes, mega yachts, it’s cracking. They’re never without. However, it comes with a cost, you gonna put a lot of miles on yourself down there, come on.”

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Thoughts

The Insecurity Of Being Single

Confidence exists on a spectrum. On one end, insecure. On the other, confident. I’d say I lean towards the confident side. In a conversation about solo travel, my friend once remarked that I’m one of the most fearless people she knows. And she’d be right. I went through my insecure phase in my teens, travelled alone in my early twenties, dealt with a lot of hardship along with way, and those things combined made me blossom out of my cocoon into the glorious self-assured mid-twenties woman I am today. I’m not walking around with my nose in the air, but I know my own worth. I’m what you call quietly confident.

However, that confidence quickly begins to evaporate when it comes to men.

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Thoughts

Dating In The Wrong Era

I was talking to one of my friends about dating at a gathering last weekend.

“Why do you think I’m single?”, I asked.

“Well, you’re looking for something that’s counter-cultural”, he said. “You’re kind of… dating in the wrong era.”

And all of a sudden- BAM- everything fell into place.

In life, sometimes I feel like I’m trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Particularly when dating.

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