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September 1, 2019

Dicksand. A phrase made popular by the film “How To Be Single” and 2017’s series of Love Island. But what the hell does it actually mean? And how do you avoid it? Or, more importantly, should we be avoiding it?

what is dicksand

In a nutshell, dicksand is the male-anatomy-related version of quicksand. However, instead of lying in some form of orgy surrounded by a load of dicks (although some people may enjoy that), dicksand is more the process where you find yourself “losing yourself” over a guy. The “drowning” is mental, rather than physical.

Dicksand can happen when you’re single. In your mind, you know you want a good guy with good values that you can bring back home to meet your family. But sometimes your heart (and your vagina) have other ideas. Sometimes we just feel that spark with someone- perhaps it’s their looks, or just their aura- but you just get that feeling. Those feelings can be hard to find so when you find them sometimes they can be overpowering. Sometimes they’re so strong that you either don’t notice (or overlook) that that person isn’t actually a great match for you. Then you end up wasting time pursuing someone who’s not interested, or having your heart smashed into smithereens.

Dicksand is also common in new relationships. We’ve all had that friend who was great when they were single but then disappeared off the face of the earth when they met Mr. or Ms. Right. But perhaps they’re not doing it maliciously. Sometimes, the overpowering feelings of finding someone new and wonderful can make you want to spend all your time with them and lose interest in the things you once cared about.

But dicksand isn’t specific to gender. There’s also vaginasand. Basically dicksand but switch genders. Dicksand is the most common phrase, but men and lesbians aren’t immune to falling for someone inappropriate or disappearing in a new relationship.

So how do we avoid getting trapped in dicksand, and make smarter decisions in our love lives? Well, you have to love with your head, as well as your heart (and genitals). Instead of simply thinking “How attractive do I find this person?”, look at any potential match through the lens of “Would this person make a good partner?” Be open to slow-burning feelings of attraction. This becomes easier as you get older, as your early feelings become less intense and you get more of an instinct to back out if red flags start emerging. But it’s good to try and develop that instinct early on.

As for new relationships, I’d say prioritise and be considerate. Party friends, or friends that you realise haven’t treated you that well, I think it’s fine to fade out once you meet someone. But close friends, the proper good eggs, should remain a key part of your life. If you have any particular rituals (for example, you usually go for brunch on Sundays), try and keep them going as much as you can. And in general just try and remain present and treat them like they matter. You wouldn’t like it if you got faded out for a new partner, so treat as you would like to be treated.

Have you ever fallen in dicksand? Let me know in the comments!

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