When I was 18, this really horribly girl, who was (trying to phrase this as delicately as possible) not Gigi Hadid, told me that “at least she can get laid”. She said anyone who is a virgin is going to be terrible in bed and guys will just drop them, so I should rectify the situation by having sex with her gross friend in a bush, and then aim to sleep with as many people as possible.
In my first year of university, a group of us were out at a nightclub and this guy randomly came up to me and kept trying to get with me. I wasn’t really interested in getting with people for the sake of it, so I declined. The other girls in my halls gave me a mouthful abuse afterwards for not getting with him.
When I went home for the holidays, a group of us went to a pub called Pavlov’s Dog where they did a cheap drinks deal on Mondays. My friend’s boyfriend took a weird interest in my love life, and kept asking me if I’d “seen a cock” at university. When I told him I wasn’t interested in doing anything like that until I was in a relationship, he gave me a hard time about it and I’d have to endlessly justify my stance.
A girl in my halls asked me how many guys I’d done stuff with. When I said none, she was horrified, and told me I need to “get some experience”. Another boy told me if I wasn’t experienced, a guy was just going to laugh at me.
I once went on a trip away with a long-term group of friends. I wasn’t bothered about meeting guys- I just wanted to spend time with the other girls. During pre-drinks, the conversation usually turned to sex, and during the trip I felt like people barely spoke to me. I got berated for my lack of promiscuity, while another girl had a one night stand, and was told she was “like a grown up now”, and accepted with open arms. Afterwards, the group fizzled out contact with me.
One time, a friend told me I just need to go out there and have sex, and the first time “doesn’t have to be special”, and sex isn’t a big deal.
One time, a guy tried to push me into doing stuff with him. When I said no, he told me he didn’t want to be with someone who’s “like a log”. He later told me he “wouldn’t commit to a woman he hasn’t slept with”, and I’d never find anyone else as 70% of guys think the same way as him. He said that “men like experienced women”, and he’d be put off if a woman was a virgin.
In polls online, people often say they wouldn’t date someone who is a virgin, but then also say that they shouldn’t be judged for how many people they have slept with.
Some people think it’s OK to stop seeing someone if they didn’t have sex with them fast enough because you have “different values”, yet think they shouldn’t be judged for having sex on a first date.
One time on Twitter, I said that for me personally, having sex with someone for the first time means something. I even expressed that I accept that other people may feel differently and that’s fine FOR THEM, however that didn’t stop me being viciously attacked by multiple accounts for 24 hours straight. No-one seemed bothered or rushed to defend me. People often share articles about how people shouldn’t be judged for sleeping around, and complained about how hard done by promiscuous women are.
Have you ever experienced virgin shaming? Let me know in the comments!