One of the initiatives I’ve been wanting to start on this blog for a while is a dating guest post series. Obviously I’ve done a fair few posts on dating, but of course those are limited to by own (white, female, twenty-something, traditionalist virgin) perspective. So I decided to branch out and ask other people for a guest posts about dating from another angle.
The first of these is by lifestyle blogger The Frugal Frenchie, on something I am yet to experience- the long-distance relationship. She usually blogs about mental health and money saving advice among other things. You can find more of her writing on her blog, or follow her on Twitter.
When I was younger, I always said my type was “foreign.” I had a crush on a French guy, then several German guys, Belgian and I’m sure some other nationalities along the way! Now I am happily paired up with my (English) boyfriend of nearly 5 years, but my last and only other relationship was actually with a French boy. As an early teenager, I can imagine this seeming strange, so I thought I’d tell you about having a relationship across the seas.
I can only start by saying thank goodness I’m not as broody as I am right now otherwise it would have been awful! Lack of seeing each other and physical contact is tough, at whatever age. Of course, at a young age it’s all innocent anyway, but even hugs can be ached for under the right circumstances. Ultimately that’s why we broke up. 1.5 years later, only 4 or 5 visits under our belts (we’d stay for about 2 weeks at each other’s houses though) it was too hard for him to maintain such a distance.
Unfortunately, I think this is a common reason for breaking up in long distance relationships. We see it all too often, people going to university and separating, or moving countries to go travelling, or the modern-day equivalent of matching on Tinder then realising you’re further from each other than you thought. The distance, although it sounds obvious, is really really something you need to think about. Relationships, unless you’re not serious, isn’t meant to be a one-time thing. You assume you’ll be in it for at least a good run, and you need to realise the implications the distance can have.
There can be ways to help you survive this separation, a few of which I’ve mentioned here. For me personally, one of the most important tactics was communication. Back in the day, we weren’t on Facebook, so we would solely talk through very influent emails. Each one would be more like letters, talking about what we did, how we were feeling. Nowadays it’s much easier, and this instant messaging means that you can get hold of, or call your loved one at any time.
Something else that’s important, that now I’d probably struggle with as I’m very “stingy” with money, is making the effort to see each other. You may have to pay for that flight or the high fuel cost, you’ll have to spend some money to make the most of the time together, maybe see a movie, eat out etc. but understand that these times may be rare, so enjoy it. I, for example, didn’t realise that one visit would be the last time I ever saw him… he split up with me crying over the phone.
Despite all these difficulties, long distance relationships can be as special, as intense and as rewarding. If you think about it, there’s a reason why the expression “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” exists. If you are about to transition to a long-distance relationship, or you’ve just entered one, keep active with your loved one, enjoy it and cherish those moments you have together.
You can make it work!
Have you ever had a long distance relationship? Do you think they can work? Let me know in the comments!
I’m looking for more guest posts on dating from different perspectives, so if you’re interested in getting involved please drop me a message!