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The Struggles Of Dating As A Tall Woman

October 7, 2018

I’m tall. Around 5’8″-5’9″, or roughly 174cms if you’re dealing in metric. OK, I know, that’s not that tall. In the modelling world, that’s nothing. But it’s tall enough to make dating an absolute nightmare.

Let me explain.

I’m in the 90% of straight women who is only attracted to taller men. On a biological level, I think we are programmed to need a man who is physically bigger than us to feel that primal attraction. Some women don’t, which is fine, good for them in fact. But I just couldn’t do it. Both times I’ve been in love, the guy was 6’3″. I’ve fancied people around the 5’11 mark when they had good personalities. But anyone my height or shorter does nothing for me. I’ve tried, believe me. There have been a few people who I’ve clicked with personality-wise, and I felt like I fancied their personality if that makes sense, but were a bit shorter so try as I did I just couldn’t feel that spark of physical attraction that would enable me to feel the feels.

struggles of dating as a tall woman

This is annoying, because the average man in the UK is 5’9″. Which basically means that half the male dating pool are off-limits from the get-go. This is particularly frustrating for me, because I’m picky. I’m not one of those people who has a list a mile long of must-haves in a partner, but I just don’t fancy many people. So it’s frustrating that over half of the single men out there are an instant no-go. I spend half my dating life wishing I was 5’1″. Or that the average man was 6’1″ so it wasn’t an issue.

“But why don’t you just date shorter men?”, I’ve heard one time too many. Well, I just don’t fancy them. And I’m sorry, but I’m not going to date or sleep with someone I’m not attracted to. I’ve been told I’m being “too picky”. I’ve been told I have “unrealistic expectations”, and I’m never going to meet anyone. But is it really that bad? I wouldn’t even specify over 6′. I don’t specify a particular job, education level, or income. I have preferences, but I don’t have any “dealbreakers”- for example I would prefer date someone without children as I’m not sure how I’d feel about playing stepmother, but I wouldn’t rule out someone with kids. I just would like to date a guy who is taller than me. Which is the same for most women, it’s just harder for me because I’m tall. And I’m unattractive. I’m a kind person. I shouldn’t have to resign myself to a miserable sexless relationship because I happen to be taller than average.

Another frustrating truism is that men seem to prefer shorter women. Yes, models are tall, but off the catwalk petite is the way forward. Short women seem to have a certain sex appeal and men seem to like having a woman they can tower over. I once asked a guy who fuckzoned me why I wasn’t a relationship prospect, and he told me I was beautiful, well-dressed and seemed cool, but he needed a bigger height gap. I’m upfront about my height so I’ve met a few guys who say they prefer tall women. But I once changed my height to 5’3″ on a Plenty Of Fish as a social experiment and the number of messages I got doubled. Which is frustrating, because height is one of the few factors that you have absolutely no control over, even with plastic surgery. And being tall isn’t inherently a good or bad thing- it’s not unattractive to be a tall woman. After all, models are tall. It just seems to be a factor that less men are attracted to.

Then the other frustrating phenomenon that leads on from this, is that even short women tend to prefer tall men. I mean, I totally get wanting to date someone taller than you. But if you’re 5’1″ does he really have to be over 6′? The correct answer to that is no, no he doesn’t. I mean, I’m tall myself and I don’t even specify over 6′.

“But people should be able to date whoever they like! It doesn’t affect you- why do you care?”, I hear you cryWell, it does affect me inadvertently. In real life, personality and chemistry come into play, so height isn’t a major factor. But online dating can make people more shallow and list-based, so short men can get passed over. Which means that men tend to add a few extra inches to their height to up their odds- which is fine if the woman they are meeting is 5’2″ and probably won’t even notice. But then they meet someone like me and end up looking stupid. And of course it’s frustrating for me and a mass waste of time. And in general, it’s just irritating when you’re restricted to a smaller pool of men when you’d rather not be, and other women will insist on sticking to that same pool of men- for absolutely no good reason. Girl, you’ve got a pick of 100% of the men, don’t dip into my 40%. And the other frustrating part is that those women also have an unfair advantage- as like I mentioned earlier, even tall men prefer a bigger height gap. Of course, if a tall man and a short woman happen to like each other then they should pursue that, and hey, maybe some people are genuinely only attracted to men a foot taller than them- but from my perspective I do find it annoying when someone half my size claims they won’t date anyone under 6’1″.

Overall, of course, there is more to attraction than height, and I think it’s important to stay positive, and focus on working on the factors you have control over and meeting new people, rather than victimising yourself over factors that you don’t. Having said that though, it’s tough out there in the dating world so cut tall girls some slack. You wouldn’t like to be told who you can or can’t fancy, or when you can or can’t feel frustrated, so treat others as you would like to be treated.

Do you find height affects your dating life? Let me know in the comments!

  • Reply
    Fnu Mnu Lnu
    October 7, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    That pic is two blocks from my house ☹️

  • Reply
    October 8, 2018 at 10:35 am

    I feel your pain – I just spent two months talking to a girl and just found out she is the same height as you. I’m 5 feet 7 🙁

  • Reply
    October 8, 2018 at 1:39 pm

    Wow! This post was detailed to the t! Girl I understand your point of view, it’s valid. However, in my opinion when you let yourself go a bit and just date and mingle, you’ll find that person who’ll make you laugh, keep you interested and feed your mind n soul….no matter the height. I mean it’s okay to have a preference, but sometimes that preference can keep you away from a good man. I personally understand why you want someone taller, that’s majority of women, but sometimes being too picky can get you stuck. So my advice is to just live a little and maybe you’ll find someone unexpectedly!! On the bright side my parents…my mom is taller than my dad. They had 3 kids, lol. They love each other, they made it work. It’s not all bad. My point is not saying go date a short guy, my point is to just date someone anyone and maybe you’ll find someone you’re attracted too.❤️

  • Reply
    October 8, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    We’re about the same height and yep it affects me. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I’ve had a few guys lie about their height online. Meeting them was awkward as hell. I really don’t understand the whole “I’m short but I want someone towering over me” logic tbh but to each his own they say

  • Reply
    Anete Šmite
    October 8, 2018 at 7:35 pm

    Well I am 5’9 and most guys on dating sites are 4’9 – 5’6. I like to wear 3 or 4 inch heels to dates so I would be around 6’3. Most of the times my potential date wouldn’t ask my height before a date, and I wouldn’t ask his either (scared of being labelled “shallow”). So I have gone on dates with guys who are about 4’9 – 5’6 range and I was 6’3. Dropping the heels doesn’t help much either. 90% of the times I would be much taller than the guy even if I was wearing the thinnest, lowest ballet flats possible. My ex bf who was 6’4 actually left me for a woman who was 4’0 (but I am not sure that was THE reason). At the moment I have a 5’2 guy chasing me but I am not interested. I hear the “you should just settle” thing every day. But why should I date a guy who next to me looks like my 5 year old son?

  • Reply
    December 30, 2018 at 9:46 am

    I’m 6’1″ and never managed to date anyone taller than me. Men definitely seem to prefer shorter women. That’s when I know the men I’ve met have been more interested in me as individual, when you get on it doesn’t really matter. If you go on dates where you are sat you can’t really tell.

    • Reply
      December 30, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      Yeah that’s a fair point- personality is the most important thing.

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