This post is a guest post by fellow dating blogger Zainab over at Tinderella Worldwide on a topic this blog has’t yet covered: one night stands. She’s super-lovely so if you enjoyed this post please make sure to check out her blog, and follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
One night stands have a pretty bad reputation. I mean, they’re not something you’d brag about to your extended family, even if Aunty Doris was a stripper. However, they aren’t solely the territory of drunk students and investment bankers and are a lot more widely accepted in society these days. I think. So here are some pros and cons which may help you decide whether they’re your cup of tea.
Pros Of One Night Stands
They’re great in drought season
When you get really horny and are going through a massive dry patch, sometimes you don’t want to wait until you’ve gotten to know someone. Sometimes you just want the flames of carnal desires to take over and all that. A one night stand done right is a pretty effective way of quenching that thirst.
You can get a lot of sex-ed
Sex is healthy. And sex with different people is educational. You can learn all sorts of things, like what works on people with different appetites, different bodies, mindsets, fetishes. It can be all kinds of kinky and you’ll become a brilliant all-rounder in the bedroom.
There’s no shattered expectations
As long as you enter into it knowing it’s a one night stand, you’re in no danger of being hung up with they don’t text you or make time for you. You won’t have to fret about wrong moves you’re making or whether they’re losing interest, because….. well, they’re here one night and BOOM! Gone the next, leaving you to move on with your life.
It’s power to the sisterhood
OK so I’m not saying that the definition of a feminist is someone who sleeps around – because that’s wrong. What I’m saying is that by having one night stands, women are gradually eroding the stereotype that we must be hard-to-get in order to be happy and find ‘the right guy’. By who’s rule book was that ever written?
You officially don’t give a sh*t
We get to that point eventually where we’ve lost our virginity in what seems like the stone age and can have sex without worrying about what the whole world will think about it. Being comfortable with having a one night stand is just one way of saying “f*ck you” to unjustified judgement.
It’s a thrill
Getting it on with someone completely new is exhilarating. There’s no prior knowledge of how annoying they are and you’re not worried about what will happen later. It’s just in the moment hotness and seeing where the chemistry will go.
You can begin to get over an ex
So you’ve broken up with your ex and have done all the crying and over-analysing. Time. To. Move. On. Finding a hot new person with abs of steel and a killer smile is one way of doing it and getting your mind to stopping playing that loop of memories like a broken record.
It’s a HUGE ego boost
There’s no better way of saying “Yup, still got it” than attracting and successfully hooking up with someone. You are hot and sexy and totally deserve some spicy sex, so why not have some fun and feel good?
You become a social butterfly
Attracting people is a process involving body language, flirting, conversation skills and mastery of cues and signals. To pull off one night stands, you’ll get better at giving off those vibes of confidence which are so attractive.
Cons Of One Night Stands
Nope, it’s not all rosy in one night stand land. Unfortunately, they may be totally fine to do… but they won’t fix anything or make your life better. That’s on you. Anyway, here are some cons:
Beer goggles may faze you
Beer goggles are definitely a thing. When you see someone’s face in a bar and you’re not used to them… all may not be well in the morning.
It could be unsafe
When you ask them if they have an STD and they say “no”, how do you know? Hopefully, they are decent human beings and don’t want you to die from AIDS, but there’s always a risk. Wear protection. Oh and not to mention the teeny tiny possibility that they could just be an axe murderer… just saying. Stick to your gut instincts.
The thrill could get addictive
If you find yourself repeatedly seeking one night stands as a thrill, or as a way to block something out, or just as a time filler… then you could be in trouble. People are not commodities to use and abuse for one-sidedness and while having sex with someone no strings is a perfectly legitimate act, it’s good to check in sometimes and ask yourself if your intentions are healthy.
It could seem cold and meaningless
Yes, getting involved physically but not emotionally is a thrill on a lot of levels, but sometimes we question the point behind it all. That person will know nothing about you, your likes and dislikes and like you, they’re just wanting a quick fix for a good time. Sometimes depth is better.
You could get attached
There is always a danger of liking them more than they like you, or developing feelings after not having any. And there’s nothing worse than feeling like you want more and they don’t. If it’s mutual and you both agree that there’s something worth pursuing, then great. If not, then this bit will hurt. The trick is to know your purpose beforehand and decide mentally if you’re truly prepared for no strings.
They might be insensitive
What if they’re an a**hole? You don’t know each other and in the morning, you could wake up to a rude person who suddenly remembers that they have to have breakfast with they’re grandmother at 10am. Or they could be selfish in bed, or weird… the list goes on.
They might be clingy
The opposite scenario to you liking them more than they like you. If you’re not all that attracted in the morning and try and make a quick exit but they want to see you again, bombard you with messages and send a friend request your way after supposed stalking, what will you do about it? Be prepared for potential awkwardness.
You could bump into them
Again, more awkwardness. They may walk into you in the supermarket, a wedding, work or your dreams (or nightmares… depending). Accept that this is a possibility and be prepared to react according to how your night with them was – smile if it was OK, flirt if it was awesome and run the hell away if they came in two seconds and yelled their exe’s name. Or something like that. The likelihood of this happening is slim, but if you live close-by and have similar routines it increases. University students, be warned.
The walk of shame sucks
It really does. Nothing takes away from the shi**iness of getting up groggy without your toothbrush and walking out like an abandoned skunk in your party clothes from the night before with no glasses or contact lens. It’s an awful awful thing.
Pros and cons considered, a one night stand is something which we should experience to see if we like it or not. There are lots of coulds, mights and uncertain variables – how you you know if you never try?* And if you do, then keep all the pros and cons in mind and know what you’re signing up for in the back of your mind.
Have you ever had a one night stand? Let me know in the comments!
(*For fellow traditionalists (or anyone) reading this, I’d just like to clarify that I personally don’t think you have to experience a one night stand if you don’t think it’s for you. But if it’s something you do want then that’s fine too.)