A week ago, I was shopping on ASOS. My profile pictures are looking a little tired, so to liven things up I was planning on doing a photoshoot with my photographer friend. I needed a new dress or skirt and top combo that would reflect my “brand”, as it were. Something pretty. Not to smart, not too casual. Feminine, fairly modest but still sexy. Modern traditional. I couldn’t seem to find anything that seemed right. Eventually I settled on one little number, but I just wasn’t sure. I wasn’t that enthusiastic. So I left it.
Later on, I took at look at the River Island website, and saw this gorgeous 1950s style tea dress. In 5 DIFFERENT COLOURS. So I bought my favourite, stuck the others on my Christmas list, and was so happy I didn’t buy the other one.
I realised that in life, you should be picky. Unless you’re excited about that dress, there’s no point in buying it. This goes for dating, and friendships too.
Firstly sex. I was at a party, and one of my friends started along the same tired diatribe about how I should have a one night stand because I haven’t tried it, so I don’t know whether I would like it. His reasoning was that sometimes you can try a food that you don’t think you’ll like and end up liking it, so it’s always worth trying new foods. But that’s not how sex works. I’m prepared to regret eating food that’s a bit dodgy. I’m not prepared to regret a sexual partner. You should only have sex with someone if you’re 100% sure you want to have sex with them. Thinking “hmm maybe it wouldn’t be too bad” is not enough. You should feel passionately attracted to them. Be picky.
If you’ve been single for a long time, sometimes you get fed up. You wonder if you’re being too picky. Or maybe there just aren’t any good people out there. You start getting unsolicited comments from friends and family. Love shouldn’t be based on a height or income requirement. But do you really want a relationship where you have to fake a headache every time they want sex? There’s pressure to settle down by a certain age, but no matter whether you’re 18, 30, or 50 you deserve a passionate attraction. On both sides. You deserve someone who is excited about you too. You deserve someone who responds to your texts, is excited to make plans with you and doesn’t want to go on other dates. Be picky.
Other relationships in your life are important too. All to often, we let behaviour in friendships slide that we would never accept in our romantic relationships. But you know what? You should be picky with your friends too. If you’re meeting a new potential buddy and they flake, don’t invite them out again. If they suggest another day it might be genuine, so give them another chance, but if they flake again don’t see them. If someone is consistently flaky with plans, cut them off. Your time is important too. If someone disappears on you even just once, don’t see them again. That is atrocious behaviour and shouldn’t be tolerated. If you feel you’re investing more into a friendship than is being returned, if you’re always the one trying to make plans and they don’t seem keen, don’t bother. You deserve friends who are enthusiastic about you. And of course, you have to be enthusiastic about them too.
All to often, we fear the unknown. We fear that there isn’t anything better out there, or maybe we’re just too lazy or scared to look. But life’s about having good loyal friends, an amazing relationship, and a great sex life. And I think that’s something worth holding out for and venturing outside your comfort zone to find. You should be picky.