Guest Posts · Thoughts

Guest Post: How To Be A Keeper, Not A Pusher

Today I’m publishing my first ever (and what will hopefully be the first of many!) guest post on this blog. This one is by body and mind balance consultant Isabel Williams. Enjoy!

We live in a digital age and have constant internet access. Most of us have at least one social media account and we use it to post our thoughts online. Thanks to social media, we can reach out to our friends/followers and gain their approval by getting likes, comments and additional followers. It makes us feel as if we were celebrities because we have people reading about our dinner with friends or liking our new selfie.

But some people go as far as to associate that number of likes/retweets with how people see them, how people perceive their qualities and flaws. They start feeling insecure about their identities as soon as there is no positive reaction to their posts. So, they start obsessing with posting as much interesting content as they can think of just to make themselves appear more appealing, more interesting. More likes, more retweets, more comments, more reactions… ‘That means they like me.’

be a keeper, not a pusher

It is not the right way to go. Far from it. 

Working on oneself builds confidence, and God knows we could all use more confidence. So, following this advice, you will not even ask yourself how to get a guy to notice you; you will know that they do.

Be yourself

One of the most common mistakes everybody makes nowadays is trying to please everyone. We often adhere to opinions that are not our own, agree to plans that really do not suit us, do things that make us feel uncomfortable and imitate people generally considered successful and popular.

But why do we go to such lengths? Do we really want to change for every guy we date? To adapt to every new relationship? No, I don’t think so.

What all of us should understand is that there are people who will love and like us for what we are. We should stop trying to fit everyone’s tastes and just be who we are. That way, we stand a better chance of finding (and keeping) someone who will cherish everything about us rather than trying to adapt to what we are trying to be. Let others be what they are and what they want to be and you be yourself.

He will like you more if you are not fake, and he will stay with you because you are not like everyone else.

Love yourself

There are people who just can’t stand being on their own, so they seek other people’s company, and more often than not, end up smothering them. In relationships, it is often displayed as overwhelming your partner with attention. Unfortunately, they don’t realize that this is usually a huge turn-off which can often make their partner literally pack their bags and go search for a less needy partner.

Why do we do that?

Have you ever seen a sketch of a man and a woman both looking in a mirror? While the man of average built sees himself as a muscular, handsome man, a pretty and attractive girl sees herself as fat. There’s your answer. Whenever we look at ourselves in the mirror, most of us tend to focus on our imperfections. That’s because all of us lack self-esteem, when we really shouldn’t.

Confidence is about loving yourself despite all the flaws you think you have, which will make you more desirable in any man’s eyes.

So, when alone, focus on the things you like about yourself and love yourself for them.

Love is practice

We often wonder about other people’s feeling without really stopping to wonder about our own. ‘Do I really like him?’ often does not even cross our mind. We get so obsessed with how others see us but what we should also do is consider how we feel about them.

Is your partner really what you want in a man? Do you care for him? Are you willing to accept him for who he is and grow together with him?

If your answer is ‘Yes!”, you will not be afraid to change with him. And he too will want to change with you, to become better, because not only are you worthy but you are also willing to build a future together.

So, be yourself and love yourself for all that you are without fear. You are a keeper.

You can check out Isabel’s blog here, or follow her on Twitter.

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