Thoughts

Why It’s Hard To Make Good Female Friends

This blog is of course a dating blog. So if you’re a regular reader, you’re probably used to articles detailing the tale of woe that is my love life. But today, I’m going to blog about a different type of relationship.

Does anyone find it hard to make good female friends?

why its hard to make good female friends

I’ve had my fair share of close female friends over the years. But a lot of those friendships seemed to turn sour after a while. First, there was Emily. We got close in secondary school. I moved schools for sixth form and was hoping to stay in touch, but the friendship became one-sided and fizzled off. But I wasn’t fazed, next came Tanya. I thought she was brilliant- so fun, and feisty. We were BFFs for a fair few years, but lost touch a bit when she moved to London. When I moved up for work, I was hoping to rekindle the flame- but she had other friends there and wasn’t as keen. At university there was Fiona. We clicked straight away and were best friends for a year- until we went on holiday together; I ended up paying for the trip on my card, she then couldn’t pay me back, ad drama ensued. Then there was Rachel, I thought I’d made a friend for life- until she got a boyfriend, and completely forgot about my existence.

These friendships meat the world to me at the time, yet the common theme seems to be that I never meant as much to them as they meant to me. Anyone who’s read any of my other posts knows I value love. But I also value friendship. I’d put a close friend on par with a boyfriend. But other people tend not to value friendship as highly. Relationships get prioritised, whereas a friend’s birthday will get flaked on if something better comes up. The person that will drop everything because it’s your birthday? That’s a boyfriend.

So as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that love, and family come first. The foundation of life is finding someone you love, marrying them, and raising a family together. But at the same time, I feel friendship is important too. I think every girl needs good girl mates to air the woes of single life with, but also keep things to varied when they get into a relationship. And when things get serious, to have a bridesmaids at your wedding, and arrange playdates and stay at home mum lunches with.

Making good female friends gets harder with age. Teenage friendships have their problems, but what you don’t appreciate at the time is that you’re surrounded by girls of a similar age who have more free time and are open to making friends. As you grow into your twenties, you end up losing contact with people due to people moving away for jobs, and as I said earlier, most people don’t tend to rank friendship as highly so some people will drift through nothing more than lack of effort. And making new friends suddenly becomes 10 times harder. You’re at work most of the time, so it’s harder to find the time. If you move to a new city, it seems like everyone already has their clique, or they’re in a long-term relationship, and they also work full time so they’re less open to new friends. And again, friendship’s just not as much of a priority for most people, so while a romantic lead will always be followed up, even if you click with someone they may just not care enough to pursue a friendship.

When I moved to London, I knew two people. One moved to New York, and other already had her clique and wasn’t that interested. So the minute Bumble BFF came out, I got on that straight away. I went on my fair share of meetups but most of the time, I either got flaked on, or we met, we got on, perhaps we even met a couple of times, then I got ghosted. I couldn’t put my finger on whether it’s the app, or whether it’s just me. Anyone who’s dated via a dating app knows the flaky nature of the game; the lack of consequences for our actions means cancelling on someone with 20 minutes notice or disappearing into thin air when you don’t wish to continue is no biggie. And it seems to be even more so on the friendship side, as a fledgeling friendship doesn’t take high priority. But on the other hand, sometimes I feel like it’s me. I’m a nice, feminine girl who’ll show up to your birthday party with a card and a present, and come round your house with a heartbreak package when you get dumped. Which sounds like your ideal friend on paper, but in reality I usually get overlooked for the selfish yet “people person” types.

In a world full of budding Regina Georges, it’s hard to make good female friends. But there is hope. After getting flaked on and friend-ghosted on multiple occassions, I met one of my best friendsย Zey on Bumble BFF. I also made good friends with another conservative-type girl through work, and I’ve met some cool people through blogging. It just takes a bit of luck, and meeting someone you click with who’s open to it. A bit like dating really.

Do you find it hard to make good female friends? Let me know in the comments!

10 thoughts on “Why It’s Hard To Make Good Female Friends

  1. I think the moment you leave uni and need to make new friends in a new city, male or female, it is hard. Because it is not as natural as talking to someone at uni. You want your public and private life to be separate so you don’t want to hang out with your colleagues all the time but then, how do you meet people? I think it is really hard. As someone that moved to a new city and struggles to make friends, I defo can say it is. But I am starting to build something so all good ๐Ÿ™‚ It is just work and motivation

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  2. Oh my goodness this post! I am literally exactly the same as you! I’ve had my fair share of friends and friendship groups over the years but like you they’ve fizzled out and I always seem to be the one who cares too much! I wish I could say that things have changed, although I have a great bunch of friends currently they all live in a different country so I don’t know how long it’ll last! So glad to read I’m not alone though!
    PaleGirlRambling xo

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  3. Interesting topic and I agree with a lot of it. Friends can be hard to make and some only stay as friends for a while but true friends can stay for a lifetime. This post is pretty relatable so thanks for sharing. I’m starting university tomorrow so I’m hoping to make some new friends as well as hopefully keeping in contact with a few school friends. Best wishes!!

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  4. A post I can highly relate to! I’ve always struggled with friends. As I’ve grown up I just keep wishing that the friends I make will be friends for a long time instead of ending! But it never does get easier and I’ve always struggled! I find it so much easier making friends online, and I have loads who I’ve talked to for years but unfortunately live in a different country. But other that that I don’t really have any that have lasted, I start to think it’s something wrong with me!

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  5. In the last few years I’ve had real issues keeping friendships going – some of it is probably to do with my age (21) but I also blame it on being chronically ill. I’ve seen other chronically ill people comment on how difficult it can be to keep hold of friendships with abled people because they can misunderstand you cancelling plans or get bored of you always being unwell… I’ve had more than one person “abandon” me when I’ve been in hospital & I recently had someone I thought would be a good friend for years to come, block me over something related to my mental health. I think the world we live in now makes it very difficult for friendships to last, so although the reasons may be different I totally understand how you’re feeling. I tend to stick to being a lone wolf most of the time now; there’s less heartache.

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  6. This is a very interesting perspective, which is vastly different from me. I remember when I went to university that it was hard to just find friends. (I wrote about that here: http://girlingamba.com/advice-for-college-freshmen) However, what I found to be helpful was to join clubs and activities. There are so many women who are exactly in your shoes, but I think we’re all a bit afraid to get out of our comfort zones and just talk to random strangers. I don’t think as children we really had any problems with this because we really weren’t exposed to rejection yet. I’m not sure if this is backed by science but this is my theory. Really great post!

    -GG
    http://www.girlingamba.com

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  7. I didn’t even know bumble bff existed but I always wanted to try that kind of thing. I had some falling outs with high school friends and grew apart with others. While I have a female friend, I find it hard to make more female friends. I have tried but it just hasn’t always kicked off. I remember trying to be friendly with some girls that were friends already in my uni course and feeling like they didn’t really want to talk to me. I know someone that wanted to ask this girl to hang out that they didn’t know well at their school that also didn’t really have friends and she felt uncertain because she didn’t want to seem weird and after she did, it was a bit awk. but I have to see if it worked out. But I’m all for girlhood and hope to meet more girlfriends in the future.

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