This blog is of course a dating blog. So if you’re a regular reader, you’re probably used to articles detailing the tale of woe that is my love life. But today, I’m going to blog about a different type of relationship.
Does anyone find it hard to make good female friends?
I’ve had my fair share of close female friends over the years. But a lot of those friendships seemed to turn sour after a while. First, there was Emily. We got close in secondary school. I moved schools for sixth form and was hoping to stay in touch, but the friendship became one-sided and fizzled off. But I wasn’t fazed, next came Tanya. I thought she was brilliant- so fun, and feisty. We were BFFs for a fair few years, but lost touch a bit when she moved to London. When I moved up for work, I was hoping to rekindle the flame- but she had other friends there and wasn’t as keen. At university there was Fiona. We clicked straight away and were best friends for a year- until we went on holiday together; I ended up paying for the trip on my card, she then couldn’t pay me back, ad drama ensued. Then there was Rachel, I thought I’d made a friend for life- until she got a boyfriend, and completely forgot about my existence.
These friendships meat the world to me at the time, yet the common theme seems to be that I never meant as much to them as they meant to me. Anyone who’s read any of my other posts knows I value love. But I also value friendship. I’d put a close friend on par with a boyfriend. But other people tend not to value friendship as highly. Relationships get prioritised, whereas a friend’s birthday will get flaked on if something better comes up. The person that will drop everything because it’s your birthday? That’s a boyfriend.
So as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that love, and family come first. The foundation of life is finding someone you love, marrying them, and raising a family together. But at the same time, I feel friendship is important too. I think every girl needs good girl mates to air the woes of single life with, but also keep things to varied when they get into a relationship. And when things get serious, to have a bridesmaids at your wedding, and arrange playdates and stay at home mum lunches with.
Making good female friends gets harder with age. Teenage friendships have their problems, but what you don’t appreciate at the time is that you’re surrounded by girls of a similar age who have more free time and are open to making friends. As you grow into your twenties, you end up losing contact with people due to people moving away for jobs, and as I said earlier, most people don’t tend to rank friendship as highly so some people will drift through nothing more than lack of effort. And making new friends suddenly becomes 10 times harder. You’re at work most of the time, so it’s harder to find the time. If you move to a new city, it seems like everyone already has their clique, or they’re in a long-term relationship, and they also work full time so they’re less open to new friends. And again, friendship’s just not as much of a priority for most people, so while a romantic lead will always be followed up, even if you click with someone they may just not care enough to pursue a friendship.
When I moved to London, I knew two people. One moved to New York, and other already had her clique and wasn’t that interested. So the minute Bumble BFF came out, I got on that straight away. I went on my fair share of meetups but most of the time, I either got flaked on, or we met, we got on, perhaps we even met a couple of times, then I got ghosted. I couldn’t put my finger on whether it’s the app, or whether it’s just me. Anyone who’s dated via a dating app knows the flaky nature of the game; the lack of consequences for our actions means cancelling on someone with 20 minutes notice or disappearing into thin air when you don’t wish to continue is no biggie. And it seems to be even more so on the friendship side, as a fledgeling friendship doesn’t take high priority. But on the other hand, sometimes I feel like it’s me. I’m a nice, feminine girl who’ll show up to your birthday party with a card and a present, and come round your house with a heartbreak package when you get dumped. Which sounds like your ideal friend on paper, but in reality I usually get overlooked for the selfish yet “people person” types.
In a world full of budding Regina Georges, it’s hard to make good female friends. But there is hope. After getting flaked on and friend-ghosted on multiple occassions, I met one of my best friends Zey on Bumble BFF. I also made good friends with another conservative-type girl through work, and I’ve met some cool people through blogging. It just takes a bit of luck, and meeting someone you click with who’s open to it. A bit like dating really.
Do you find it hard to make good female friends? Let me know in the comments!