Thoughts

When You’ve Never Dated Anyone

“You should enjoy being single!”, people say. And I guess they’re right. I mean, you have to enjoy your life. There’s no point being miserable when you can be happy. I mean, you’ve got friends, hobbies, travel. A relationship isn’t the be all and end all. And at least if you’re single, you don’t have to shave your legs as often or spend time with someone else’s family.

Except, if you’ve never really dated anyone.

never dated anyone

 

Maybe you’ve just never dated, period. Maybe you’ve had flings, but they never managed to reach “relationship” status. Or maybe you’ve had a couple of relationships, but they weren’t that serious so you feel like you can’t really call them “relationships”. Maybe you’ve never had sex. Or maybe you’ve had a few one-nighters, but nothing long-term. Whatever the situation, for whatever reason, whatever your success level in other areas of life, when it comes to relationships, you’re just not quite getting where you want to be.

You’ve got friends who are single, and they’re happy. But they’ve had other relationships. They’ve already had that experience, so although it’s always better if you’re in a relationship, they don’t have a desperate need to meet someone. And they know there’s not something horribly wrong with them because they’ve had other relationships in the past. But if it’s something you’re yet to experience, it’s still on the tick-list of things you haven’t done, you want it with more of an urgency. It’s like being a kid in a sweet shop, and all the other kids are eating sweets, but you’re not allowed any. “Sweets are overrated!”, the other kids tell you as they devour a mouthful. “You should embrace being sweet-free!”. But because you’re not allowed them, suddenly sweets become THE BEST THING EVER and ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT ALL THE TIME.

You have super-hot and/ or super-charismatic friends. You’re no swamp monster yourself, but when you’re being brutally honest, they’re more attractive. And because of this, while your love life resembles either a train wreck or the Sahara Desert, they’re drowning in admirers and hop effortlessly from one relationship to the next. You look at YouTubers like Freddy My Love (or some form of male equivalent if you’re a man) who are super-pretty also also really charismatic and good on camera, who of course are in a long-term relationship going towards marriage. You think to yourself, if only I could be LIKE THAT, then I could have a partner.

On the other hand, there are the people who are WORSE than you. Who are uglier than you, or weirder, or more annoying, or less personable than you. Who are in long-term relationships, and have pretty much been so since the age of 14. And you’re like whhaaaa? I mean, you’re no supermodel, but you’re not BAD. You work out, you socialise, you do interesting things. So how do THESE people end up in relationships, while you’re chronically single? And then there are the people who are just terrible partners. Who cheat, cause drama, and are just not relationship material, BUT THEIR PARTNERS STICK WITH THEM ANYWAY. I mean, come on. You’re marriage material. Why didn’t they just pick you?

As time goes on, it gets harder. When you’re younger, you just meet people organically through friends. As soon as you graduate, unless you luck out and fall for one of your colleagues, it becomes virtually impossible to meet people in the real world, so you’re stuck on the Tinder roulette, trying to sift through endless weirdos, dick pics, and catfish in an attempt to meet The One. Time passes, and before you know it all your friends are married and you still haven’t had a real relationship. You see people your age on Facebook giving birth to small humans and wonder what the hell you’re doing wrong.

You wonder sometimes if perhaps you should “settle” in some way. Maybe what you want doesn’t exist, or maybe you’re just not good enough to get there. But then you look at people’s wedding photos, see how deliriously happy they look, and realise that’s what it’s about. Having someone you’re passionately attracted to. Where you can’t wait to rip their clothes off. Who you just click with. Who would put you first, and take care of you. Someone who makes you happy. And deep down, no matter how often you’re made to feel otherwise, you know that that’s what you deserve. Because we all deserve nothing less. No matter, what you look like, how quiet or loud you are, no matter how many people you’ve slept with, no matter what you’re religion or political beliefs, unless you are a horrible person, you all deserve love. And somewhere out there, there is someone who will love you for who you are. Even if you haven’t met that person by 18, or 25, or 30, I think love is worth fighting for. You just need to find the right fit.

 

12 thoughts on “When You’ve Never Dated Anyone

  1. This is a really interesting post, I’ve never considered what it’s like not to date someone because for a large part of my teenage years and twenties I’ve always dated someone so it’s nice to read about the other side x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Omg I totally relate. I didn’t have my first (and only!) bf til I was 26 and now that we’re not together I still have all those thoughts of ‘how do you meet someone?’ ‘what’s wrong with me?’ etc, but what I will say is that I have never wanted to ‘settle’. Many of my friends have wasted time in less than ideal relationships because they were afraid of being single, not because they had found The One. You can’t force it – believe me, I have been on many, many dates! It will happen when it happens.

    Like

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