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Dating

How Long To Wait Before Sex?

July 16, 2017

One of the age-old questions of dating. A debate that could go on all evening. I ran a Twitter poll on the topic and had the highest number of votes for any poll I’ve run to date.

What am I talking about?

How long do you wait before having sex with a new partner?

How Long To Wait For Sex-

People used to wait until marriage. Which, when you consider the fact that there was no birth control or ways of protecting yourself from STIs back then, was actually a smart move. In the days of sexual liberation, waiting for marriage is now the case for a much smaller percentage of the population, but up until recently we were always told that if we wanted something more serious with a particular suitor, we should hold out for a while.

Nowadays, it’s not that simple. A lot of relationships stem from what one magazine called “one night starts”- people who had a one night stand, carried on seeing each other, and it led into a serious relationship. A lot of people approach dating looking for casual sex, and the relationships they end up in happen by accident. It used to be that a woman could be judged as “slutty”, and “not wife material” if they had sex too quickly; this is now no longer the case. That’s great right? No judgement! Except it’s not “no judgement”. The harshest judgement is now directed at women for having a low number of sexual partners, not having sex for a long period of time, or wanting to wait before having sex with a new partner. Wife material? Nah, you’re now either a “prude”, “not sexual”, or “won’t know what you’re doing”. Obviously not every guy will feel this way, but there’s no denying that the faster you’re willing to put out, the bigger your pool of men is. So as much as I’d love to preach the value of waiting, I have to admit in the present climate it’s not a bad dating strategy to bang a tonne of guys on the first night and see how it goes.

Again though, it’s not that simple. Some people may not want to have sex on the first date. Maybe they’re not sure if they fancy the person, and need another couple of dates to see. Or maybe they just don’t want to sleep with someone they don’t know well. There’s also the issue a lot of the time, women can’t do casual things the way men can. Some women may be fine having sex on the first date, but with sex comes FEELINGS AND LOVE, and wanting a RELATIONSHIP with him, and they end up hurt when the man doesn’t quite feel the same. Of course, life doesn’t always fall into gender stereotypes, and there may be some men who get attached after sex and some women who move on afterwards. But either way, if you’re an “attachment” kind of person, it’s probably a better idea to wait a while before having sex to screen out idiots and make sure you’re on the same page. Of course, it’s always possible that someone may go through X number of dates then disappear afterwards, but it’s less likely that someone will sit through 5-6 dates just to get laid when there are other fish in the sea available at the swipe of a finger.

how long to wait before sex

The results of this poll show that there are people across the board, even including a fair few in the waiting for marriage camp. So ultimately, it’s up to you to do what feels right for you and the situation. And if anyone judges you for that, do you really want to date them anyway?

How long would you wait before sleeping with a new partner?

  • Reply
    Corinne & Kirsty ๐ŸŒธ (@corinnekirsty)
    July 16, 2017 at 7:06 pm

    I’d say it really depends on the feel, the context, the relationship. I had sex for the first time a bit before my 19th birthday, more than six months into my first relationship. But then, as I was casually seeing people, I could have sex from the first night! xx corinne

    • Reply
      Alice
      July 19, 2017 at 8:16 pm

      Yes, some people say if you’re not that bothered then go for it, but if you want something serious hold out for a while.

  • Reply
    pratseek
    July 16, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    ALICE I AGREE WITH YOU COMPLETELY.. MAKING WAIT FOR THE SAKE OF IT IS NOT AUTHENTIC

  • Reply
    sophiaaxo
    July 16, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    I feel like this is such a useful post for those who are in this situation. I think it completely depends on how you feel about that person, and more importantly when it happens it happens and if it feels right then it is meant to happen.

    Sophia xo // sophiaaaxo.com

  • Reply
    wartsandallonline
    July 16, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    Loooved this! People get so squirmish about this stuff but it’s so interesting to hear other people’s views.

    I really think it depends on the person, the relationship and the spark (or lack thereof.) For me i waited aaaages before sleeping with my now boyfriend just so i had the chance to get to know him outside of sex and we’ve been together for 5 years so it must have worked!

    Laura xo
    http://www.wartsandallweb.wordpress.com/

    • Reply
      Alice
      July 19, 2017 at 8:17 pm

      That’s great, glad it worked our for you!

  • Reply
    jadesblog16
    July 16, 2017 at 10:49 pm

    When I was with my first boyfriend I made him wait 2 years.
    My partner I’m with now I had a 5 date rule. We ended up being together for 2 months before we did anything.

    • Reply
      Alice
      July 19, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      That’s cool, I think it’s good to have a bit of a build up!

  • Reply
    The Unfortunate Virgin
    July 17, 2017 at 2:58 am

    I don’t think there should be any designated waiting time – everyone and every situation is different, and when it’s right it’s right.

    • Reply
      Alice
      July 19, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      That’s so true!

  • Reply
    becauseysheblogs
    July 17, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    Great blog and post ๐Ÿ™‚ feel the same way as you tbh – Dating in London in your twenties is tough. Chin up girl <3

    • Reply
      Alice
      July 19, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      It definitely is!

  • Reply
    Yasmin
    July 19, 2017 at 2:18 pm

    What a great post! I think there shouldn’t be a time limit on when is the right time . People should do things when it’s feels right to them. Personally I would like to get to know a person first.

    • Reply
      Alice
      July 19, 2017 at 8:19 pm

      I feel exactly the same!

  • Reply
    CUCH
    July 20, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Every situation is different. I was with my ex for a long time before we did the deed (too long, I would say). But for my present gf, we slept together on our third date. That seems pretty normal these days.

  • Reply
    5 Reasons I’m A Bad Dating Blogger – Alice In Wonderlust | UK Dating Blog
    September 6, 2017 at 7:03 pm

    […] Which makes sense, I mean the two are obviously intertwined. But while I’ll talk about sex as a part of dating from time to time, there’s no way I’d call this a “sex blog”, or even a […]

  • Reply
    Alisha Ceit
    November 8, 2018 at 6:37 pm

    It is so hard these days to know when you should. Some dates I go on we have sex after the first one and I never see them again, or it falls into a booty call. Others I wait and then it feels like itโ€™s really awkward. Itโ€™s hard to find the balance!

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