To join ghosting, benching, and breadcrumbing, this week, a new dating term was added into our vocabulary- “hyping”. Essentially The One Before The One, the hyper acts as the warm-up act, before the hypee to then move on to the main performer.
Maybe you made out with a guy a couple of times but it never progressed to actual dating. He’d just come out of a serious relationship, he wasn’t really looking for anything, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know he’s got a girlfriend. Or maybe you were seeing someone, you wanted to DTR, but she didn’t. She wasn’t looking for anything serious, she wasn’t ready, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know she’s got a boyfriend. Or maybe you were in a relationship with someone, possibly for a weeks, a few months, or even a few years. But he didn’t believe in marriage, he wasn’t ready to settle down, either way it just wasn’t a “forever” thing, and it was disappointing, but y’know, that’s life. Next thing you know he’s engaged.
I am the queen hype woman. That Independent article is essentially the story of my love life. Always The One Before The One, the “thing” but never the serious girlfriend, never the one they really fall for. So for you entertainment, here are my tales of hyping.
The first time I started seeing my ex-boyfriend, he was on a break with his long-term girlfriend. He wanted to break up with her, but he didn’t have the balls to do it. We’d texted, kissed, even met up. Although there were strong feelings on both sides, it hadn’t progressed to actual dates yet, but I thought once the whole girlfriend issue had been cleared it would do.
Then he suddenly cut all contact, and I found out through other people that he was seeing someone else from work. They were immediately like a couple, he ditched his girlfriend, and changed his relationship status on Facebook. He was a devoted boyfriend to her for the next six months.
Met this guy in Thailand who was exactly my type. Tall, blonde, a bit older, sociable, masculine, and northern. I thought he’d be a prick because he was attractive, but he was actually really nice, and had the same views on relationships as me- both serial monogamists back at home and both agree that you know pretty soon whether something is going anywhere. Ended up spending the night together cuddling (don’t ask how this happened, it just did). The next day he left early to go on a day trip to the elephant sanctuary. Thought I’d catch him later on at the hostel, but didn’t.
Bumped into him a few days later at the Chiang Mai canyon, and he was with another girl. They’d met at the elephant sanctuary, and been seeing each other ever since. Was it just a fling? Hell no! They ended up travelling round south-east Asia together. They met the day after he met me. What are the chances?
Met this guy on Tinder, and went on a first date to a cocktail bar. He was a little short for my tastes (we were roughly the same height), but he seemed cool, and we turned out to have loads in common. We both loved adventure travel, Taylor Swift, and charity stuff. We both discovered we were the only people each other had met who donated to charities. He suggested a second date, and things seemed promising. Until he flaked out of our plans, then suggested instead that he could “come to mine with a bottle of wine and we could really get to know each other”. I tried to think of what I’d done wrong. I’d dressed conservatively. We’d talked about charities and volunteering, for crying out loud. I was definitely wife, not fuckzone, material. So I put it down to him being young and immature, and upper my Tinder age limit.
A couple of months later, he added me on Facebook. Then, the cute coupley pictures came up. Of him and his new girlfriend.
I used to tear my hair out over situations like this. I mean, it’s always better when you’ve got a boyfriend, so it’s shitty when things don’t work out. But more than that, these situations hurt my ego. Why wasn’t I good enough? What did the other woman have that I didn’t? Until I realised, nothing. She wasn’t better, she was just different. Maybe she was more his type. Or maybe the timing was just better when they met. Sometimes it’s just pure chance. So don’t let the hypees bring you down, or affect your self-worth. After all, as the article says, perhaps somewhere, someone is being hyped for you.