I was talking to one of my friends about dating at a gathering last weekend.
“Why do you think I’m single?”, I asked.
“Well, you’re looking for something that’s counter-cultural”, he said. “You’re kind of… dating in the wrong era.”
And all of a sudden- BAM- everything fell into place.
In life, sometimes I feel like I’m trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Particularly when dating.
I’m what you call the Good Girl. Slim, attractive, and feminine. I’ve been open to settling down since my teens. I’m kind, loyal, and don’t cause drama. The kind of girl you could bring home to meet your mum. The problem is… that’s not what guys want.
They want the drama queens.
I was talking to a guy from work, who was complaining that all his ex-girlfriends have been psychos. “Have you just been unlucky, or are you more attracted to the psychos?” I asked. To his credit, he didn’t try to deny it. “Well yeah. I mean, I want a bad girl. If someone’s nice, it’s boring isn’t it? Like, I’d rather have Rihanna than say… Leona Lewis!” I’m a Leona Lewis. But British men in 2017… they want a Rihanna.
When I used OKCupid, I mostly ended up nosing through men’s answers to the site’s compatibility questions. The one I took a particular interest in was “How much sexual experience would your ideal partner have?” When I first started out, the men all answered “Slightly experienced”. Over the last few years, there’s been a definite shift. They now answer “Very experienced”. I told the aforementioned male friend how my life goal used to be to get to 30 and be like “I’ve slept with two men, both in relationships” (it’s now to get verified on Twitter). He told me that would be a massive turn-off for him, and he wouldn’t date anyone with a partner count below 10. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with sleeping with more than 10 people if that’s what you want to do… but I don’t want to sleep with more than 10 people. I want to be experienced… with a small number of people. I don’t think I could even pick out 10 people I fancy. But that’s what British men want in 2017. Because that’s what women get praised for in the mainstream media.
It’s a two-way rejection though. Not saying women should be confined to the kitchen FOREVER, but I do believe in traditional gender roles to some extent. I like a man who can lead. A man who could protect me. A older man who’s more experienced than me. A man who who wants a more conservative, less experienced woman. But men tend not to do this. Men pander to feminist talking points even when they’re being unreasonable. Men act unassertively. Men act like girls. Girls act like men.
I dislike modern dating. If I fancy someone, I’m at least open to the idea of a relationship with them. If I don’t fancy them, I don’t want to date them. I’d rather wait a while before sleeping with them. As I said in the multidating post, if I’d been on 2-3 good dates with someone, I’d be happy not to go on other dates. But the culture seems to be you have to sleep together relatively early on, but not go exclusive until much later, if ever. It’s like a rollercoaster: wait until X number of dates, throw your vagina into the wind, then grip onto the edge of your seat like “PLEASE DON’T GHOST”. If I’m sleeping with someone I want it to mean something. If I’m sleeping with someone, I don’t want to sleep with anyone else.
I feel like a 1950s housewife trapped in Sex And The City. Square peg, round hole. So I either have to try and soften my edges, or find a square hole I can fit my peg into.
Wait, that should probably be the other way around…