First came online dating. Then came Tinder. Other apps tried, but never quite failed to gain the same level of fame. It’s just so simple, yet so effective. Do you think you could be interested in this person? Swipe left for no, right for yes. If you both say yes, message, then meet. Easy.
Yet, almost everywhere you look, someone has something negative to say about the app. Due to the low barriers to entry, anyone can join, which sadly means the app has gained a bit of a bad reputation as a hook-up app. However, I still think it’s worth doing.
Now I’ll be the first to admit, the app has its flaws. It’s not the perfect way of meeting people. So before I go onto debunking other people’s criticisms, I’ll start with my own:
After you’ve been on the app for a while, it feels like you’re having the same conversations over and over. Where do you live? What do you do? Trying to keep up small-talk with a load of strangers can get a bit tiring. The dates can get a bit repetitive too. I go through phases where I’m super-motivated and start churning out two a week, but once you’ve been on 4 or 5 “meh” dates in succession, you start to lose enthusiasm.
When I look back on most of the times I’ve had crushes on guys, I’ve met them through a group setting, and an interest gradually developed unexpectedly over the course of a few meetings. I find Tinder dates however can be quite forced. You don’t really know someone until you meet in person, but even if you meet them and think “no”, you have to sit through the rest of the date. And if you meet them and think “hmm maybe”, it’s harder for the spark to ignite over a sit-down dinner or drinks.
If you agree to a date with someone in your friendship group then stand them up, everyone in your group will know what a shitty thing you did and think less of you for it. On Tinder however, the experience is dehumanized and there are no real consequences for your actions, which is why things like flaking, being stood up, and ghosting, are commonplace.
So in conclusion, I’ll admit the app’s not perfect. However, it is still my main go-to app for setting up dates, as the process is more efficient than other methods. Other people tell me “Don’t use Tinder!”. But here’s why their arguments are wrong:
Firstly, attraction is partly shallow. Personality is important too, but I think you need some level of visual chemistry to be attracted to someone. Also, you don’t really know someone’s personality through an app. Yeah if they’re weird over messages it’s best not to meet up IRL, but you don’t really know someone until you meet in the flesh, so you kind of have to go mostly off looks.
“It’s only for hook-ups!”
If you go on a paying site like eHarmony, you’ll probably find people who are more serious about looking for a relationship. I find with paid stuff though, the quality of the men suffers so there’s not much point. If you go on Adult Friend Finder, you’ll find people looking for one night stands. If you go on a niche dating site such as Christian Connection or Uniform Dating, you’ll find people in that niche. Tinder however, everyone’s on there. Yes you get contacted for hook-ups or even couples looking for a threesome, but several of my friends have also found long-term relationships from the app.
“You should meet someone in real-life!”
Unless I fall for one of my colleagues, my chances of meeting someone in real life are pretty slim, as I spend most of my waking hours at work. I do my banking through an app, I make new friends through an app… so it makes sense to date through an app too.