Thoughts

The Mid-Twenties Crisis

I hit the Quarter of a Century milestone this year. Luckily, I already had the quarter-life crisis when I graduated and was like “what the fuck do I do with my life?”. However, there’s a new crisis that happens when you hit the big 2-5 and you’re yet to find a husband. The mid-twenties crisis.

the mid twenties crisis

Life Envy

A funny thing happens when you hit your mid-twenties. You’re still living the life of an overgrown teenager- living in a flatshare, seeing friends, getting drunk at the weekends- basically like you’re still a student but you work. Then one day, you look around you and realise everyone else your age is either a) engaged,  b) married, or c) buying a house. I look at the bloggers who are blogging about their engagement, and realise with a jolt that most of them are younger than me. And I’m like, what am I doing with my life?

Don’t get me wrong. I realise that it’s not all bad. I’ve got a job in the industry I wanted to work in. My social life is decent. I’ve done some amazing trips abroad. I know people my age who have dropped out of 3 different university courses, or still doing unpaid internships because they can’t make up their mind. But there’s one piece of the puzzle that’s missing. I’m single. Most of my friends met people through friends when they were in their late teens. I’m not a hardcore careerist of a Sex And The City party girl- I want a husband and (maybe) kids. I would have been totally down with the “childhood sweetheart” thing. But I just didn’t meet anyone. So I’m suspended in this limbo of perpetual teenagerhood while everyone else moves on.

Dating Dilemmas

Now, we get onto the second part of the problem. How do you actually meet people in your mid-twenties? When I was a teenager, I’d go out underage drinking in a field or car park every Friday, and new people would come and go. Then at university I met people in halls or through my job at the student bar. Now, I’m at work all day.

So I try online dating. And Tinder. And basically every other app or dating event going. And I get dates. But I’ve just never clicked with those guys. Most were nice enough (although you get the occasional oddball), but we were just mismatched. Not people I would have dated if we’d met in the “real world” beforehand. Another difficult thing is, most of the guys I’ve met from apps who were reasonably attractive were just looking for something casual. Dating apps are a bit of a paradox: without them we’d never meet anyone, but with them any guy half decent has unlimited options. And I just find the whole thing quite forced. I’d rather just meet people through friends with no expectations, hang out, maybe there’s someone where a spark develops, then start going on dates.

But that just doesn’t happen anymore. In London, I know no-one. My previous job and classes I’ve tried completely weren’t sociable, so my only avenue to make new friends is Bumble BFF. So I organise a drinks thing, half the people going flake on the day, and it turns out to be a vaginafest. Back home in Reading, I organise a drinks thing and 20 people show up. But I’ve known then all since I was 16.

I think the best thing to do is find someone at school or university, then marry them. Ironically, I would have been up for that. But I was told at the time that I couldn’t do that. I distinctly remember being 18, and constantly being told “WHY DO YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP? YOU’RE ONLY 18!” Yet, 18 is the best age to find someone. Most of my friends met The One at 18, and they’re all buying houses. I think it’s one of those situations where the western cultural narrative goes against what actually makes us happy.

Are you having a mid-twenties crisis? Single and happy? In a relationship and loved up, or settled down too young and now regretting it? Let me know in the comments!

 

 

20 thoughts on “The Mid-Twenties Crisis

  1. I am beginning to believe that the best thing is the old-fashioned arranged marriages. like where your parents or your brothers or your friends know someone, you two get introduced to each other, etc…

    Like

  2. I don’t think it’s anywhere near the social pariah status being a single woman at 25. As a country (and as a society), we are settling down, getting married and having children later in life. I met my first long term relationship when I was 24. I got married at 34m separated at 36 and divorced at 38 but let’s not go there.

    The fact is, you have no need to feel anxious at being single in your mid 20s. You are still very young. Most men and women your age want to do other things first – travel for example. Those who do settle down early tend to regret it later. They are prime candidates for a mid-life crisis.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would just like to add that I’ve been reflecting on this the last few hours. I feel the main reason many people are leaving it later is because they see their parents divorcing in their 40s and 50s now saying they regret marrying so young. Women want to feel they have choices beyond merely being a homemaker and mother, and men want to feel they have more to life than being a provider for a family.

      Like

  3. Your 20s are for enjoying, not for settling down! Do the things now that will be too difficult to do once you’re married and have kids…like travel! I was a happy traveling fool in my 20s. It’s much harder to do and exponentially more expensive once you have kids.

    I got married at age 32 after having dated him for 4 years. And separated at age 44 with 2 kids.

    Don’t rush. It will happen. 😊

    Like

  4. I’m turning 25 next month and everything you mentioned I’m feeling, but about the female community.

    I’ve met some incredible people along the way, dated a few, but nothing that’s really saying ‘You’re my future’.

    I hope in 2017 you find love! There’s someone out there for you! xx

    Like

    1. Same, met some cool people but thinking about it haven’t met anyone I could see myself in a relationship for the past 5 years or so. Thanks, hope you do too!

      Like

  5. why the rush to settle down, just do the things enjoy till find the right one who you’ll enjoy doing them with even more.
    Still miss the ncp car park & medows drinking days too :p

    Like

  6. Hoooo my God! I wondered the same thing about being in my twenties! Being that I’m now entering the twenties with a big 21 this year, dating wise I’ve had hell. Everyone wants to commit with either half or no work at all. Within my young years, I’ve got the scared of commitment ones, the broken ones, the overly clingy ones, the sex crazed ones, etc and I’m borderline ready to hide under a rock with my goldfish and stay away from the rest of the male population. Least I know I’m not alone in my views! Lol thanks for writing this! feel free to check out my blog! I’d love pointers from an experienced twenties woman!

    Like

  7. I am definitely going through a mid twenties crisis right now and I don’t know how to get out of it. A lot of what you say is true , everyone else seems to get their lives together but not quite me.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s