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Are Dating Preferences Discriminatory?

December 18, 2016

We all have our dating preferences. Everyone has a “type”. Which is actually a good thing. Think about it. If you fancied every man or woman you met, how would you be able to get into a relationship and remain faithful? And if we all had the same “type”, we would all be pursuing the same minority of people. So the fact that we all have preferences, is actually pretty great.

Yet for some reason, sometimes if you express a dating preference… people fly off the handle. One of these is transgender vlogger Riley J. Dennis.

In response, firstly, let’s take a look at what discrimination actually means:


Is it really “unjust” or “prejudicial” treatment if I don’t want to date someone? They may be disappointed initially, but ultimately that’s my choice, and you can’t control who you’re attracted to. Also, how arrogant would you have to be to think that if you don’t fancy someone their experience is equivalent to say, the victim of a hate crime? But anyway, let’s go through her points one by one.

are dating preferences discriminatory?


Your race doesn’t define who you are as a person, and shouldn’t matter when it comes to friendship or employment. But when it comes to attraction, race is one of the main things you notice when you look at someone, so it kind of does matter. I wouldn’t personally have an issue dating a black guy, but I know other people who aren’t racist, and have nothing against black people… but just don’t find them attractive. I know others who are exclusively attracted to black people. There’s a big difference between simply finding one race more attractive than another, and wanting to bring back Apartheid.


This is a tricky one, as as much as I respect that gender dysphoria is a legitimate thing, I think I’d find it hard to be attracted to a trans person. I like masculine men and if I had to date a women, I’d date feminine women, so if someone was somewhere in between biologically I don’t think I could be attracted to them (although never say never). Again, I have nothing against transgender people, I’m just not sure I’d date one (however there are certainly people out there who would). Riley says genitals don’t matter. Again, for friendship, they don’t. But if you have to have sex with them, it kind of does matter, because it affects what kind of sex you can have. People are more than their genitals, but for a sexual partner, they’re an important part.


I’m not sure why weight is included in the same video as race, gender and disability, as weight can easily be lost, but you can’t, for example, switch from black to white. But either way, weight matters when it comes to attraction. In the video, Riley says “If you find someone attractive and really enjoy spending time with them, there’s no reason why their weight should be a factor”. But that’s the key: finding someone attractive. Weight is one of the major things we notice when we look at someone, so saying it doesn’t play a part in whether you find someone attractive is ridiculous. Some people may not be attracted to fat people, but others have a preference for bigger people. Either way, it’s just personal taste.


Disabilities come in a broad range. Some disabilities you wouldn’t even notice, others are very obvious, and therefore may or may not affect your attraction towards them. Again, that’s not to say people have anything against those people, they just may not find them attractive. Another thing to bear in mind is that some disabilities require a lot of care and looking after, which not everyone has the ability or is willing to do.

So in conclusion, instead of being criticized, we should embrace our dating preferences, as otherwise the dating market would collapse. A preference may seem unfair, but ultimately these are things we have no control over, and for every person that isn’t attracted to you, there will be someone else who is. No-one is “universally unattractive”, the same way that no-one is “universally attractive”. Even with Taylor Swift’s squad, where you have to be at least a 9 to gain membership, I’ve met people who just don’t see the appeal. So live and let live, and one day, you’ll find someone who’s preference is you.

  • Reply
    December 18, 2016 at 8:20 pm

    Hi Alice! This was a really interesting post to read! Thanks for sharing your opinions! Personal preferences are indeed valid, and I don’t feel that they are discriminatory. Like you say, everyone is interested in different qualities for different reasons – if everyone was into the same kind of people, the world would be a very boring place! This was extremely thought prokoving!

    Abbey 😇

    • Reply
      December 18, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      Yes, so true!

  • Reply
    Alexis Chateau
    December 19, 2016 at 12:34 am

    This was a great piece.

  • Reply
    December 19, 2016 at 8:10 am

    While people who have unrealistic standards are doing themselves no favours, it is nobody else’s business. Everybody has a right to standards.

    However, what I cant abide is double standards. When I was dating, I was shocked at the number of women who said they “don’t date fat men” when they themselves were obese and railed against the shallowness of men for not dating them because of their weight. Anyone who expects to date people only with model looks had better make sure that they too look like a model.

    What I’m saying basically is that don’t demand others do for you what you are not prepared to do for others.

    • Reply
      December 19, 2016 at 5:18 pm

      I think sometimes opposites attract, for example you get the classic pairing of the fat woman and the skinny guy, or someone who’s quieter might prefer to date someone who’s loud and vice versa. But ultimately, you’re allowed your preferences, but you have to accept other people have theirs too.

      • Reply
        December 19, 2016 at 9:10 pm

        Exactly 🙂

  • Reply
    The Guy Who Lied About His Age – Alice In Wonderlust | UK Dating Blog
    January 11, 2017 at 6:51 pm

    […] younger women. Smoother skin, perkier tits, less baggage, and all that jazz. And that’s fine. We’re all entitled to our preferences. However, I think there’s a big difference between having a preference for someone younger than […]

  • Reply
    February 2, 2017 at 7:06 am

    While I agree with most that you said, I wonder if having preference based on nationality be discriminatory or not?…

  • Reply
    Exiled Star
    February 5, 2017 at 12:38 am

    Weight is not “easily lost” by any stretch of the imagination. Only someone who’s been effortlessly thin all their lives would think that.

    • Reply
      February 5, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      When I went to Tanzania, we didn’t have a fridge or access to junk food, so lived off rice and vegetables. Everyone dropped a stone in the first week, including those with “thyroid problems” who “couldn’t lose weight”.

  • Reply
    May 18, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    Great article. Interesting reading! Have an awesome day!

  • Reply
    Are Dating Preferences Discriminatory? –
    May 18, 2017 at 3:49 pm

    […] View more awesome Dating Inspiration via Are Dating Preferences Discriminatory? — Alice In Wonderlust | UK Dating Blog […]

  • Reply
    November 26, 2017 at 6:05 am

    Marvelous use of the first amendment!!

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