I have a friend, who for the sake of this post, we’ll call him Jim. Most of my friends met The One at 18 and are now in a long-term relationship, cohabiting, or married, so myself and Jim are one of the few single people left, and we often talk about dating.
He says that when he goes on a first date, within the first 10 minutes, he has allotted the girl into one of three categories: Relationship, Shag, or No.
Relationship, does what it says on the tin. Those are the girls he would consider a relationship with.
Shag, is otherwise known as the fuckzone– people he’d sleep with, but wouldn’t consider a relationship with. Maybe he’s attracted to her physically, but not personality-wise. Maybe she’s not quite his type, but you know, he’d shag her. Or maybe he would otherwise consider a relationship with her, but she’s a smoker. Ultimately he’s looking for a relationship, but casual sex scratches the itch.
And then, there’s No. Just, no. Not worth shagging.
Now, this is a sweeping generalization, but I can imagine this is how most guys’ scales work.
My scale on the other hand is a little different.
For women, sex isn’t a physical drive, but an emotional response. I think it’s because you’ve got something going in, you know what I mean?
I meet guys who are nice. I meet guys I get on with. I meet guys I think are cute. Sometimes, I even meet guys on my wavelength. But for a relationship, what it comes down to, is would I have sex with them?
I hardly ever meet guys I can envision myself having sex with. But once every 2-3 years, I meet someone, and BOOM! The spark appears. I meet someone I can sexualise. And those are the guys I want a relationship with.
So I guess my scale has two sections. Relationship/ Shag. Or maybe, “Relationshag”. Guys I want to have sex with and have a relationship with.
And No. Guys who are more like friends. Or maybe guys I want to avoid all together.
The most frustrating thing is when I meet someone I get on with, and who would make a good boyfriend, and who likes me, but I just wouldn’t have sex with them. So they’re a No.
I’m a traditionalist, so this may be an extreme example, but I can imagine most women’s scales look a bit more like this.
The difference in scale format is where a lot of misunderstandings happen in heterosexual relationships.
Sometimes, a man will show romantic interest in a woman, and she’ll get excited at the prospect of a relationship, then find out he just wants sex and end up hurt. This is because her scale is binary, so she’ll subconsciously assume his is too.
Sometimes, a man will be friends with a woman thinking there is a prospect of a relationship/ sex, then find out she just wanted to be friends and end up hurt. This is because he probably wouldn’t give the time of day to someone in the No section, so he’ll subconsciously assume she wouldn’t either.
So take note, and when dating, take into account the other side’s scale.